i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
