Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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