I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
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