I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
