I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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