Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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