so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
