i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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