drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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