my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Jerry, you need to find god
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
