She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
