Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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