The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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