life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
