Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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