my room smells like sperm. sweet.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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