I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
