You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
