Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
