Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
