I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Soap is not a condiment
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize