As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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