I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
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