The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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