yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
