I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize