I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
