God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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