I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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