where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
