I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
