last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize