Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
