is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
