My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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