i just wanna soil my oats bro
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
