Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
