Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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