We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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