sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
