So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
