your room smells of hookers.
And success
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
