Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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