I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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