Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
