If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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