I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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