she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
