How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
