I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
His hands were made for my vagina.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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