just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize