Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
