I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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