dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
