some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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