She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
