y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
