how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
