Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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