legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
