i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
