Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize