Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Michael Bay diarrhea
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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