"it" just moved
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
