Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
