I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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