Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
