I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
