I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
