Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
