I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
