why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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