I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
