maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
