its not stalking. its research.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
