I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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