Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need water and some morals
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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