I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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