i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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