pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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