Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
