I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
His nipple licking is glorious
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