I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
