it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize