There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
