Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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