I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
